Breaking News…A Boeing 767…

We interrupt this commentary to bring you some breaking news…we are getting a report about an American Airlines Boeing 767 that has a passenger with a jammed seat belt. Initial reports indicate that the locking apparatus is stuck and the passenger can not get out of his seat. We will be brining you live coverage of the flight’s progress for the next 5 hours.

Right now I would like to bring on Lester Holt, who will bore you with details about the mechanics and history of avionic seat belts. After that we will be switching to several hours of split screen live coverage of the air space around the airport while we bring on as many experts on seat belts as we could find.

But first I ask you now to take a look at the plane on the screen…oh…it doesn’t appear to be the flight in question but we will continue to point out every plane in site just in case it may be the plane with the uncomfortable passenger.

Again, if you are just tuning in…we have breaking situation in which seat belt failure is being reported on an American Airlines Boeing 767. It is not know at this time if the passenger in question has to use the lavatory which could surely lead to possible health problems if he had to hold it in. Let me turn to Dr. Sanja Gupta and ask him if this is a potential life threatening situation. But first let’s look at the video of the empty air space above the airport.

The Boeing 767 300-ER has a 156’ 1” wingspan, not to be confused with the 767-400-ER which of course as everyone knows as a 170’ 4” wingspan.

We are being told now that snack service in the coach section of the flight has been interrupted. First class snack service is also being limited to beverages only. The home made cookies will not be available to first class passengers and the packages containing 5 peanuts will not be distributed in the coach section unless the situation changes.

I am being told now that the Department of Homeland Security will be holding a press conference about the situation. Apparently the Capital building was evacuated as a precautionary measure. We are also being told that American school teachers are being asked to alert their students about the situation.

We’ll continue to cover this unfolding situation after a word from our sponsor. Remember to stay tuned to MSCNFX News, your Source of Scare Journalism and Trivial Unimportant Information!

Now didn’t that sound silly? Well, today, it’s called TV journalism. How embarrassing is that? Think about it! – Jesse, Editor

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