I am six feet five inches tall. I weigh 220 lbs and I do not have a single ounce of fat on my body. Often when I go out people ask me for my autograph as they think I am a famous model. My thick brown hair matches my glaring brown eyes perfectly. I am so handsome that it is physically painful. Women flock around me everywhere I go.
My home is a sprawling mansion over looking the Hudson River. I also have a 9 room condominium on Riverside Drive. I have a small staff of servants and a private chef.
My health has been perfect. Doctors have been contacting me about the possibility of using my DNA when cloning technology reaches advanced stages. They say they can use my DNA to create an organ farm of perfect organs suitable for transplants. My body is so perfect that I do not need to brush my teeth. Bacteria can not survive on me. I never even had gas at an inconvenient moment
Calvin Klein often consults with me prior to designing his new garments. I am considered to be a global trend setter.
Everything I own seems to work perfectly. My computers never break down. My cordless phones never need recharging even when I am in the middle of a 2 hour phone call. My Internet connection is perfect and I have never had a cable TV outage.
My car has never been ticketed. I never get stuck in traffic and divers around me are always courteous.
Regardless of what I eat I never get heartburn. I can drink a gallon of tequila without worry because I never get hangovers. My sinuses never have any congestion. Acne? Whatâ€™s acne?
I have never cut my nails too short by mistake causing irritation and they never have any burrs that catch on to my blanket when I sleep. I do not perspire. When I eat raw garlic nobody notices.
I have never had a bad relationship. All the women I have dated have been of sound mind and have had wonderful attitudes. They never carried over hostilities from prior relationships and made me pay the price. They never tried to start a huge fight over a tiny issue.
My parrot never bites me and she speaks 5 languages. She only poops in the toilet, never on the floor, my clothes or on furniture. My sister is always considerate of my schedule when she asks me to drive her some place, my father never annoys me and my mother never forgets where she put my stuff.
OKâ€¦I think that will do it. I just wanted to prepare everyone for the departure from reality we are in for when we listen to George W. Bush give the State of the Union Address. I will return to reality tomorrow. I hope you make the appropriate adjustments to your attitudes. I hope this little departure helped! Think about it!