American English as Taught to Me by the Corporate Media

I can’t spell worth a dime but I always thought I had a pretty strong command of the English language. It turns out that I have been wrong all along.

Language in general must be a problem with me, even foreign languages. Even when several of my high school teachers tried to hard to teach me Spanish it just did not work. I could show you my report card but it’s classified. My brain just would not accept any new grammatical rules. You see the problem with Spanish was that I could not learn two separate versions of the same language; one for men and one for women. Lo vs. la, hablo vs. habla, I could not deal with it. Call me an idiot; I won’t argue the point. Or in this case call me el idioto or whatever the correct Spanish term may be.

So who would have thought that all these years later I have indeed learned two versions of the English language; one for Americans and several of our close parters in crime so to speak ( and I speak that quite literally), and one for the people who are not as good as Americans (like Democrats). For instance I never realized that in a time of conflict America, and when I say America I mean Israel and the UK as well, “detains prisoners”; where on the other hand those less than American other bad nations “kidnap hostages!”

You see my English language skills have been influenced by my mother, who taught English and science in the New York City school system for about 40 years. But it took the corporate media really learn me good! Here are a few definitions that I was not aware of until the corporate media learned me really goodly about these here words and stuff:

Liberal: It does not really mean anything, it’s just a bad name for people who don’t like to launch wars on nations that are not threatening us and don’t like to arbitrarily kill things.
Communist: Some sort of fag. I learned that one from Ann Coulter.
Lie : This describes any information that results in a negative image for a sitting Republican politician or any information that has been omitted by the 9/11 Commission.
Misspoken, factually incorrect, did not provide an accurate picture, distorted, overstretched the truth, overstated, understated, meant to say, misleading verbiage etc: These are terms to describe when a Republican tells a lie to the country or when the American government tells a lie about a less than American nation.
Enemy: Any nation who has a leader that decides that the citizens of his or her country should benefit from the nations natural resources and assets, like Venezuela.
Flip Flop: When Democrats change their position.
Altar course, adjust strategy, reassess the situation, adapt to win, reversed position, had a change of heart, tried a new approach: These terms are used to describe Republicans changing their minds or flip-flopping.

Anyway, I can go on all day. I have to go on with my day but I am a little on edge right now. You know when you are trying to remember something and you can not…and it just annoys the heck out of you? Well that is happening to me right now. You see I am trying to think of another word for hypocrisy, but I simply can not. Think about it!

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