Saturday, March 26, 2005
Jeb's Kidnapping Attempts Foiled
Yesterday, a red-faced and visibly agitated Jeb Bush went on TV to "correct" the media's misstatements about possible Jeb intervention in the Schiavo case. Jeb said he had no intention of overstepping his authority.
For a moment it appeared to be a move by Jeb to separate himself from the "Rovian" plot to mount Jeb on a white horse and storm the hospice .
In reality, before Jeb appeared on TV, his white horse agents from the Florida Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE) had phoned Pinellas police and informed them they were on their way to take Terri. This department answers to Jeb, and they arrived at the hospice, only to face a showdown with the local police.
Local police refused to hand over Terri to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. This prompted Jeb to go on TV to head rumors off at the pass. Jeb claimed to respect the constitution and his limits of authority.
If not for the Pinellas police intervention, Jeb's TV appearance would have been entirely different. He would have been wearing a knight's suit of armor as Bill Frist reinserted Terri's feeding tube based on instructions read to him by Tom Delay. Karen Hughes would have been on hand to ensure Muslims that we are a compassionate nation. "Brand America" would have been off to a great start, if not for those pesky judges and that quaint old constitution.
Instead, Jeb has agreed to rename the Flordia Department of Law Enforcement (FDLE). The department will now be called the Florida Law Enforcement Department (FLED). FLED was chosen to honor the officers for splitting the showdown scene quickly enough to avoid the television cameras, sparing Jeb the grandest embarrassment of all times.[url][/url][color=orange]