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 Post subject: Twas the night before Solstice
PostPosted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 10:40 pm 
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Way back in 1822, Clement Clarke Moore wrote the poem that is now known as "Twas the Night Before Christmas," and it was first published in the Troy Sentinel. Moore, the son of the New York bishop who had presided at George Washington's inauguration, had no idea his verse would become world-famous, beloved by people everywhere.

But because there is mention of a certain "Saint Nicholas" in the poem, it may, alas, have to be revised in order not to offend Americans who don't believe in saints, or even Christmas, for that matter. We cannot be having any exclusionary poems now, can we?

So with apologies to Clement Moore and everybody else, I humbly submit this updated poem for your consideration:


Twas the night before Solstice, and all through the land,
the ACLU was watching to keep things in hand.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while forces kept Christmas out of their heads.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed and heard desperate chatter.
Someone had seen my manger display,
And wailed very loudly, "Go away, go away."

How could I be so crass, so utterly wrong,
So show the infant Jesus and sing him a song?
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
An ACLU lawyer, looking stern and aloof.

"No manger! No caroling!" he said with a snort.
"And if you don't comply immediately, I'll take you to court!"
He was chubby and plumb, a right surly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.

He dallied no more, but went straight to his phone,
Lamenting the manger, in a most pitiful moan.
But I, in the spirit, said nothing unkind,
Christmas is forgiveness, whatever you find.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
Christmas will survive, the folks will demand it,
Even if secular lawyers will not understand it.

Then I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
Happy Solstice to all, and to all a good night!

Mr. O'Reilly

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:07 pm 
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I'm sure most people fighting "the war on Christmas" today have no idea that the Dec. 25 date for Christmas has absolutely nothing to do with the birth of Jesus. It was established on the winter solstice in order to co-opt the celebrations of much older religions. Likewise, most "traditonal" Christmas symbols so vociferously defended by rabid regressive Christians have their roots in pre-Christian religions.

The Puritans could have hardly been mistaken for the ACLU. Yet, they banned Christmas, because of the above mentioned facts.

Quote:
The Puritans banned Christmas in New England. Even as late as 1851, a Cleveland minister nearly lost his job because he allowed a tree in his church.

The Egyptians were part of a long line of cultures that treasured and worshipped evergreens. When the winter solstice arrive, they brought green date palm leaves into their homes to symbolize life's triumph over death.

The Romans celebrated the winter solstice with a fest called Saturnalia in honor of Saturnus, the god of agriculture. They decorated their houses with greens and lights and exchanged gifts. They gave coins for prosperity, pastries for happiness, and lamps to light one's journey through life.

Centuries ago in Great Britain, woods priests called Druids used evergreens during mysterious winter solstice rituals. The Druids used holly and mistletoe as symbols of eternal life, and place evergreen branches over doors to keep away evil spirits.

Late in the Middle Ages, Germans and Scandinavians placed evergreen trees inside their homes or just outside their doors to show their hope in the forthcoming spring. Our modern Christmas tree evolved from these early traditions.

Even before the Christian era, trees and boughs were used for ceremonials. Egyptians, in celebrating the winter solstice -- the shortest day of the year -- brought green date palms into their homes as a symbol of "life triumphant over death". When the Romans observed the feast of saturn, part of the ceremony was the raising of an evergreen bough. The early Scandinavians were said to have paid homage to the fir tree.

To the Druids, sprigs of evergreen holly in the house meant eternal life; while to the Norsemen, they symbolized the revival of the sun god Balder. To those inclined toward superstition, branches of evergreens placed over the door kept out witches, ghosts, evil spirits and the like.

http://www.christmas-tree.com/where.html


Quote:
Origin of the the name Santa Claus

The name of Santa Claus is said to derive from Nicolaus (Greek: victory and people), but also the Latin “claudere” (close, lock) or even “claudus” (lame) could be hidden in it. The first would fit Santa (closing the Old Year and unlocking the New Year), the second would fit to the horseshoed demon-companion, like Hephaistos and Mephistos with his lame foot, as we will see later. That the terms Santa and Satan equal each other by exchanging only one letter suggests that they are closely related as it happens often with great antagonists. The Dutch Sinterclaas might etymologically be related to Sintflut (deluge) which in ancient starlore represented the flood of stars of Milky Way as we will see later.

The Shaft or Chimney

The metaphor of the shaft is similar to many fairy tale caves, which often magically open and give free treasures or bewitched princesses or make the hero a king or emperor.

The Sledge or Sleigh

An unmistakeable attribute of Santa Claus is his sledge, which we find depicted in uncountable Nordic petroglyphs, often loaded with a tree or a Sun symbol.

The Tree

The tree that is carried by Santa Claus may be found in old petroglyphs as well as in rural tradition at the spring equinox or on May 1st. A calendrical connection to both of these dates is found not only at the beginning of spring in the common calendar (now March 19th – 20th) and Beltaine in the former spring festival in the Celtic calendar (May 1st) but also the name day of Jesus' father Joseph, whose feast is liturgically celebrated on both days. Behind the erection of a stake monument at the cardinal points of the year, e.g. the Yule-tree, is the idea of showing that celestial movements are involved in calendrical rule on earth.

The Stag

The sledge of Santa Claus is pulled by at least one stag or reindeer called Rudolf.
A view to the constellations and a comparison with a presumably old, but modernized German poem of unknown origin, gives further calendrical and astronomical hints that the “Holy Eve Man” comes from the sky, but in respect of his due-to-precession shifted seasonal position.

http://www.rkdn.org/alternative/Santa.asp


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:27 pm 
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People have been making merry during December for many millennia without Jesus. The Winter Solstice is the shortest day of sunlight in the northern hemisphere, when all turns dark and cold and the promise of a new year is welcome. The evergreen reminds us of our hope of continued life. Most cultures have celebrations with lights heralding the birth of a baby...the NEW YEAR.

Christians have simply stolen Christmas, mainly in order to overcome "pagan" practices that had been going on for eons. Christians were eager to make their new ideology palatable to the ancient world. They did a good job.

The so-called Prince of Peace said, "Think not that I am come to send peace on earth; I come not to send peace, but a sword." Those are indeed fighting words. No wonder the world is not at peace after seventeen centuries of Christianity.

Christians don't own December. They need to remember that.





DATELINE: DECEMBER 24, 2005

It's not as if we - the infidels, the atheists, the "Happy Holiday" Secular Humanist Grinchinistas and Osama bin Scrooges - weren't warned.

"I am not going to let oppressive, totalitarian, anti-Christian forces in this country diminish and denigrate the holiday and the celebration. I am not going to let it happen. I'm gonna use all the power that I have on radio and television to bring horror into the world of people who are trying to do that," said Bill O'Reilly. "Bring HORROR into the world of people trying to do that" - we were warned.

John Gibson, Fox News Avatar of Righteousness and author of "The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought," put it this way -- "Those who would ban Christmas and Christians should not mistake the signs on the horizon. The Christians are coming to retake their place in the public square, and the most natural battleground in this war is Christmas."


Oh yes, we Jesus-hating, culture-eviscerating, liberal nihilists were warned. But we never thought they'd actually DO anything about our merry plot to destroy Christmas. We were too darn busy burning flags, banning prayer from high school football locker rooms and tinkering with the latest wiki-version of the Secret Homosexual Agenda to notice that the Righteous Army of Christmas Savior-Soldiers were prepared to do whatever it took to defend Christmas.


Imagine our shock when every major news network broke in with a Special Report -- Top Gun Fighter Ace President George W. Bush (Texas Air National Guard 1972 - ??) his own bad self dropped four AIM-9L/M Sidewinder missiles from his custom F-15E Strike Eagle on a "Target" Department Store just outside of San Francisco. The noxious "Happy Holiday" banner out front was vaporized first, followed by the 3,581 "secular progressive scum" who were patronizing this sordid temple of anti-Christmas Philistinism.

Before we knew it, "Operation Sword O' Jesus" was in full battle mode. Newly commissioned Honorary Commander Bill "Blood N' Guts" O'Reilly masterfully deployed his C-17 Globemaster III over West Hollywood, California and dropped his 97 crack shock troops onto Santa Monica Boulevard, where they used shoulder-launched multipurpose assault weapons to destroy a "secret" (as if) anti-Christmas Lesbian Wiccan Ammo Dump. Inta-General Rush Limbaugh fired up his government surplus M2A1-7 flamethrower and, risking injury to his dangerously inflamed anal cyst, took out a "Happy Kwanzaa" billboard just outside his hometown of Cape Girardeau, Missouri. A brief counter-revolt was crushed when Faux-Lieutenant "Fighting Sean" Hannity, equipped with nothing but his only grit and an Ingram MAC-10 submachine gun, mowed down 31 pitchfork-wielding ACLU trial lawyers trying to remove a Nativity Display from the front lawn of the First Baptist Church of Sassafras, South Carolina.

We Christmas-haters were in retreat, but the worst was yet to come. President Bush, flanked by a smirking O'Reilly and a jubilant Gibson, appeared before a handpicked crowd of evangelical Air Force Chaplains in Colorado Springs. Standing in front of a massive banner reading, "CHRISTMAS GOOD! EVIL-DOERS BAD!" the President (using a bullhorn) first announced that "apparently" a "suitcase style, nuclear-style device" "clearly intended to be used on Christmas Day against Christians celebrating Christmas" had been found in Hillary Clinton's Senate office "hidden behind some Barbra Streisand records." Ms Clinton had been stripped of her citizenship and shipped to an "unknown location" in an "unknown country" by "unknown persons" for "unknown purposes." The President then pronounced the plot to destroy Christmas "an evil plot by evildoers intent on doing evil" and said, "They hate us because we love Jesus enough to want to kill them for not loving Jesus enough."


Mr. Bush then demanded immediate passage of his 337 page "Virtuous Christian Piety Act of 2005," calling for:

The Death Penalty, Rendered Without Trial, for Anyone Sending A Christmas Card Using, or Even Heard Uttering the Phrase "Happy Holidays"

Compulsory Voluntary Shopping (under penalty of indefinite imprisonment) at Wal-Mart for all Christmas Gifts and Home Christmas Display Items

Loss of Citizenship and "Pagan Combatant" Status for Anyone Not
Displaying a Plastic Illuminated Nativity Scene on Their Front Lawn.

Immediate Detention and "Intensive, Forward-Leaning Physically Challenging Interrogation" of Any Persons Not Knowing The Words to "White Christmas," "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" and "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas"
Santa-style "Down The Chimney Sneak and Peak," Informal, Non-Warrant Searches for FBI and Other Law Enforcement Officers looking for Kwanzaa, Hanukah and Other Suspiciously Non-Christian "Worship" Materials.

Of course the Senate didn't bother to read this measure. Fearing the wrath of Christmas-loving Americans, they voted 100-0 to pass it. Senator Bill Frist immediately proposed a Constitutional Amendment to add the words "And Santa Claus" to the Pledge of Allegiance. Vice-President Dick Cheney demanded and got authorization to set up "Cultural Relativist Re-Education Camps" on a former nuclear test site in the Nevada desert.

And on Christmas Day, 2005, after all this tumult, Reverend Jerry Falwell chose not to sermonize about Christmas at all. He announced that, unless the 10 Commandments were clearly tattooed backwards onto the forehead of every youngster in America (so they could see it properly in a mirror), this nation was going to hell in a hand basket.


Link: http://www.smirkingchimp.com/article.ph ... e=&order=0


Catherine

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That other party, they work for people who don't need help.
That's all there is to it."

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Last edited by Catherine on Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:40 pm 
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Good points Catherine. I am not against people displaying their copied "Christmas" symbols and celebrating their borrowed "Christmas" traditions. I like Christmas.

I just find it amusing to watch these Christian zealots fighting their "war" to "save" the symbols and traditions of the Egyptians, Romans, Vikings, and druids.

Merry Christmas.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 4:44 pm 
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Thank you, shoeless....

Please see my edited post....Proctor has nailed the War on Christmas! :lol: The Gimme Season has definitely arrived.

Catherine

AND another one:

A New Age Christmas Story

Wanker the Elf: We need help with these poll numbers.

Dicky the Rednosed Jackass: I know! Let's go ask mr. wizard for help!

Wanker and Dicky make the long trek to the North Pole headquarters of mr Wizard ( by private jet, on the taxpayer's dime).

Karl (mr Wizard) Claus: The trick is to keep the kiddies distracted with shiny object and then convince them that the small differences between them are huge treats.

Wanker the Elf: I don't understand mr Wizard. How can pointing out that tall people are tall and short people are short help us with out poll numbers?

mr. Wizard slaps Wanker upside his head.

Karl (mr. Wizard) Claus: You got to watch more educational television Wanker! All those Monster Truck races and PeeWee Herman reruns are making you stupid.

Dicky the Rednosed Jackass: Ain't the TV mr. Wizard! Wanker just enjoyed the 70's too much.

Karl (mr. Wizard) Claus: Well, get him a DVD of the Dr. Suess Documentary about the How to Butter Your Bread Wars. Convince the Holy Rollers that Happy Channuka is just another way to say "Piss on you and your False Gods" and your poll number problems are over once you start shouting that you aren't going to permit the non existent attackers to Piss on anybody.

Dicky the Rednosed Jackass: Gee thanks mr. Wizard. Come on Wanker, stop drooling on your shirt and let's get back to the toyshop.


Link: http://www.smirkingchimp.com/article.ph ... e=&order=0

Catherine

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"Behind every great fortune lies a great crime."
Honore de Balzac

"Democrats work to help people who need help.
That other party, they work for people who don't need help.
That's all there is to it."

~Harry S. Truman


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 2:43 pm 
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Last night we took my 4 1/2 year old grandaughter out to buy a Christmas tree. She is very excited about Christmas and she didn't seem to notice that the town square didn't have a manger with a baby Jesus, or that some retailers had signs which said "Happy Holidays" or "Holiday Trees", while others read "Merry Christmas" or sold "Christmas Trees".

She loved the lights, Santas and reindeer. We saw mangers with wise men and Jesus, but they were on private property rather than public land, and that didn't detract from her Christmas spirit one iota.

She didn't seem to notice the "war over Christmas", and was not affected by the horror promised by Bill O'Reilly for those who disagree with his demands for the holiday season.

Despite the wailing, knashing of teeth, and threats from the big babies of fundamentalist right-wing extremism, it seems that Christmas is as safe as it ever was for the little children.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 3:13 pm 
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Hmmmm... if they lied about something as insignificant as the birthday of their savior, how can anything they say he said or did, be believed?

Seems to me, that these so called Christians who are up in arms over HAppy Holidays, should instead be upset about the ways their savior's teachings are being perverted... like... for instance... torture...

which part of Love Your Brother Like Yourself includes electric shock?

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