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 Post subject: Dogs and cats
PostPosted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 11:41 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2006 10:03 am
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Location: Bible Belt, MS
From an email.

*DOG DIARY*
7:00 AM - Outside! My favorite thing!
8:00 AM - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 AM - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 AM - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 AM - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
2:00 PM - Looked out the window and barked! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
4:00 PM - Chased a bird out of the tree! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 PM - Watched my people eat! My favorite thing!
6:20 PM - Table scraps! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

*CAT DIARY*
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little, dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmate and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape out the garage door.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet, while blaming this on my other inmate.
Today I killed a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comme nts about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
The dog continues to receive special privileges.
He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.




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You can sing the praises of women all day long, but as long as you put a fertilized egg ahead of [their] welfare, you do not really care about them.-Dori 4/07


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 9:22 am 
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Joined: Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:11 am
Posts: 5620
Location: western New York
This explains why I am a dog person. The people around here are all the 'cats' I can take.

Good one lefty!

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