I got this in my email. While it may not be exactly true, I'm sure it would be a school's dream to implement:

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE

A high school decided to implement a policy requiring both students and parents to be responsible for absences and missing homework. So they put this message on the school's answering machine:

The outgoing message:

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your
school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff
member, please listen to all the Options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1*

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2

* To complain about what we do - Press 3

* To swear at staff members - Press 4

* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in
your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone -Press 7

* To request another teacher, for the third time this year -Press 8

* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

* To complain about school lunches - Press 0

* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work,
homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack
of effort:Hang up and have a nice day!

*If you want this in Spanish, you must be in the wrong country.

If you can read this - thank a teacher! If you are reading it in
English - thank a veteran