CBS FIGURED IT ALL OUT, FOLKS. WAS IT CALCULATED? DID THEY DELIBERATELY SET OUT TO EXPOSE SARAH PALIN FOR THE BIMBO SHE REALLY IS? OR WAS IT THEIR INTENTION TO SIMPLY GIVE KATIE COURIC A STAGE UPON WHICH TO REDEEM HER FALTERING RATINGS AS THE CBS NEWS ANCHOR?
CONSIDER:
1. HERE COMES SARAH PALIN AS JOHN MCCAIN'S VP PICK. EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT HER...SHE'S AN UNKNOWN, SHE'S REVIVED A RATHER DISMAL REPUBLICAN CAMPAIGN, SHE'S A WOMAN...AND SHE'S A RIGHTWING EXTREMIST! WOO-WOO!
2. OVER THERE SITS KATIE COURIC. SHE'S NOT BEEN THE HIT OF THE PARTY AS THE CBS NEWS ANCHOR, BUT THERE'S ONE THING KATIE KNOWS HOW TO DO AND THAT'S INTERVIEW INDIVIDUALS, ESPECIALLY OTHER WOMEN. HMMMMMMMM.....
3. SO, CBS WAITS UNTIL PALIN HAS GOTTEN TWO OTHER INTERVIEWS DONE. THEY'RE BOTH DISASTERS, EVEN WITH THE POWDER PUFF INTERVIEW DONE BY FAUX NEWS. PALIN'S OBVIOUSLY A BIMBO BUT SHE'S ATTRACTIVE AND CORNY....JUST THE STUFF TO HAVE THE MALE (AND SOME FEMALE) WINGERS DROOLING THEIR TOBACCO AND SNUFF JUICE INTO THEIR BEERS AT THE ALL NIGHT DINERS AND POOL HALLS. SHE'S GOT FIVE...COUNT THEM...FIVE KIDS, ONE IS PREGNANT (HEY, SHE'S JUST LIKE US, JED!) AND THE LAST ONE IS DOWN'S SYNDROME! WOO-WOO! YES INDEED, NOW...THERE'S A LITTLE WOMAN TO BE PROUD OF...YUM-YUM!
4. WAIT A MINUTE...WE CAN REALLY SQUEEZE THIS FOR ALL ITS WORTH. LET'S NOT SHOW THE ENTIRE INTERVIEW ALL AT ONCE! LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS AND IF IT'S GOOD, WE'LL AIR IT IN SEGMENTS. THAT'LL KEEP THOSE MORONS PANTING AS THEY SCRAMBLE TO FIND THE REMOTE AND HIT THE CBS NEWS BUTTON TO SEE WHAT SARAH PALIN IS SAYING TONIGHT. IT'LL BE A COUP FOR CBS AND KATIE COURIC...WOO-WOO!
5. CBS AND KATIE SEE IT! SARAH PALIN IS A DUMBASS! SHE CAN'T ANSWER A SIMPLE QUESTION ASKED BY KATIE! SHE'S NOT GOT A CLUE AS TO ANY SUPREME COURT CASE. SHE'S NOT GOT A CLUE ABOUT WHAT SHE READS IN "ALL THOSE NEWSPAPERS." (
CAN SHE READ?
6. WOW! CBS HAS DONE WHAT THE OTHER STATIONS DIDN'T THINK TO DO...THEY SPREAD OUT PALIN'S "NORTHERN" EXPOSURE AND REVEALED THAT BEHIND THAT CUTSY-POO SMILE AND THE CORNY DRAWL, AND THE HOCKEY (OR WAS IT SOCCOR?) MOM IMAGE, THERE'S A REALLY STUPID PERSON...AND A VERY DANGEROUS ONE WHO IS THIRSTY FOR POWER AND WANTS TO BE VP ALMOST AS MUCH AS JOHN MCCAIN WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT!
5. PUTTING THOSE INTERVIEWS INTO THE PUBLIC DOMAIN LITTLE BY LITTLE REVEALED ALL WE NEEDED/WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SARAH PALIN...IF WE TRULY LOVE OUR COUNTRY AND WANT TO GET IT BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK. DON'T VOTE FOR THE MCCAIN-PALIN TICKET UNLESS YOU WANT ANOTHER BUSH AT THE HELM....ANOTHER BUSH THAT MAKES THE SECOND ONE LOOK LIKE A RHODES SCHOLAR!
6. CBS FIGURED OUT THAT THE AMERICAN PUBLIC BETTER ABSORBS POLITICAL INFORMATION IN SMALL DOSES, JUST LIKE THE PHONE NUMBERS AND ZIP CODES AND SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS ARE PUT INTO GROUPS OF 3-5 NUMBERS. OTHERWISE, WE'D FORGET THEM!
7.OUTCOME: CBS ALLOWS THE AMERICAN VIEWING AUDIENCE TO DIGEST PALIN LITTLE BY LITTLE. THEY FOUND HER NOT SO TASTY AS AT FIRST PERCEIVED! AND THEY REVEALED THE MONSTER UNDERNEATH THAT JUNE CLEAVOR VENEER!
THANK YOU CBS FOR MAKING A DECISION THAT HAS TURNED OUT TO BE A NATIONAL FAVOR FOR THE VOTING PUBLIC.
THANKS TO YOU, SARAH PALIN HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN A NOTCH OR TWO, AND RIGHTFULLY SO. SHE'S NOT QUITE SO POPULAR NOW THAT WE ALL KNOW HOW DUMB SHE IS, HOW RUDE SHE IS, HOW DISRESPECTFU;. HOW COLD, AND HOW HEARTLESS SHE REALLY IS, AND HOW SHE'S JUST A MOUTHPIECE FOR THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION...AS IS JOHN MCCAIN. KATIE HAS GOTTEN SOME POSITIVE REVIEWS, TOO.
NOW, CAN WE ALL SAY TOGETHER: SARAH PALIN IS A BIMBO AND WE DON'T WANT SARAH PALIN AS OUR VP AND WE DON'T WANT JOHN MCCAIN AS OUR PRESIDENT! WOO-WOO!
If I've gotten anything wrong in this little essay, please correct me...and I won't even get mad at you and run off and eat worms!
