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 Post subject: Just try not to laugh...
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 3:42 am 
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This came in an email...

Subject:  Disorder in the Court


AHHHH!  The Legal System !!!!!  All our questions should be answered!!!


These are from a book and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
----------------------------------------------------------- -----------

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS : July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
------------------------------------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.....
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2007 10:27 am 
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Thanks Dori, I needed a good laugh this morning. Those were fricken great. And they show just how very, very bright many attorneys are these days.

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You can sing the praises of women all day long, but as long as you put a fertilized egg ahead of [their] welfare, you do not really care about them.-Dori 4/07


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2007 2:49 am 
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Doesn't it sound like those were from the trials in Texas when Bush ran the state? Many people were given the death penalty during that time.

Some of those attorneys should have been there too.

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