HILARIOUS SAYINGS

Catherine · **Posted:** Sun Sep 23, 2007 11:59 pm

If you hear a "saying" that is hilarious, regardless of where you heard it or its age, please include it in this thread. If you know the source, include it, too, but it's not required.

This is, after all, the FUNNY FARM!

Catherine · **Posted:** Mon Sep 24, 2007 12:02 am

HEARD ON THE TELEVISION SHOW "MONK":

"Dude, you're so uptight I could put a lump of coal up your butt and have a diamond in 10 minutes"

dee35ann · **Joined:** Wed Mar 01, 2006 6:53 pm **Posts:** 256

Birds of a feather flock together and then shit on your car.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to look-
Example: I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's
dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat are really good friends.

He who hesitates is probably right.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around
the sun.

The mind is like a parachute, it works much better when it's open.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when
he's really in trouble.

sadie53 · **Posted:** Mon Mar 24, 2008 2:41 pm

It was so quiet you could hear a cricket fart!

Catherine · **Posted:** Mon Mar 24, 2008 11:46 pm

HERE'S ONE:

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy!

Channel Zero · **Posted:** Tue Mar 25, 2008 1:25 am

It's the War Economy, Stupid!

Quote:

In the five years since the war began, the United States has spent more than $522 billion in Iraq. This year spending will easily top $160 billion. Yet, as Joseph Stiglitz and Linda Bilmes point out in their new book, The Three Trillion Dollar War, the short-term costs pale in comparison with the sum our nation will spend over the long term. Ongoing veterans' health costs, debt payments and the cost of re-equipping the military are some of the reasons for this outrageous $3 trillion bill. At the same time that the war has imposed a huge burden on taxpayers, it has precipitated one of the largest transfers of wealth and power in modern history. By helping to drive up world oil prices, it has produced a massive redistribution of wealth from working Americans and other oil and gas consumers to a handful of oil producers.

Channel Zero · **Posted:** Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:28 am

A take-off on the bible:

"McCain aint able."

HILARIOUS SAYINGS

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