One of my friends sent this to me, gentlemen. Thought you'd enjoy it!


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN


(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider

That's funny.

My wife does run around yelling, "Spider, spider, spider!" And it irritates me, because she's not afraid to be "in your face" when it comes to her rights and other people.

She likes to mow the lawn, and do other sorts of yard work. Only if she realized that them spiders are crawling up her pants legs!

I lived with a girl, who's second home was in the bathroom. Didn't matter how long she was in there, because she was always in there. She wouldn't necessarily bring a lot of stuff in with her, but God Damn, try drinking beer to her!!

I would always try to picture, what was on her, that required so damn much time looking after. I knew it wasn't my drinking back then, that had her in a "defiance mode." She was always in the bathroom, so she never knew exactly how much I drank, until I turned up the stereo.

I just followed the dog around, and pissed in the yard beside him.

...and when she came out

SHE LOOKED THE FRICKEN' SAME, AS SHE WENT IN!!

I think it had something to do with this "tweezer stuff." How anyone, can drum up enough patience to do that, has my "undying love."

The only time I'd trim my eyelashes, was after I drank a twelve pack, put the butane lighter in my mouth, and strike the lighter.

POOF!!!...Total time/// 240 milliseconds!!

You girls are fricken' strange sometimes man!!

Anyone who trims his or her EYELASHES would indeed be strange, since I thought most people, especially women, wanted those lashes to be as long as possible, so I'm guessing you meant to type "eyebrows" rather than lashes, ETL! Or am I just a bit confused?????

Oops!! Typo my dear and yes, I meant to say eyebrows. That was the closest I got, to performing a similar maintenance, as my past girlfriend did.

What is it with you women. You're pretty enough as it is!! Chill out and come watch the Rams lose again, so we don't have to piss out in the yard all the time!!

Something that I find amazing about my own gender, and that's the young women's propensity to try to cover themselves with makeup when they've got naturally, for awhile at least, what the cosmetic companies are trying to put into those stupid bottles they pay a fortune for at Wal-mart!

Smooth, unwrinkled skin, shining, thick hair of a variety of natural colors, beautiful figures, and most of them have bodies (for awhile, at least) that actually look good in clothes, regardless of the cut or how much was paid for them! Take my soon to be 15 year old granddaughter. She was born with that natural shade of red hair that is called strawberry blond. It's hers...you couldn't put that color into a bottle if your life depended on it. She has fair skin...and to go with that beautiful hair, big brown eyes that a person could get lost in. She's tall and slim...and has a figure that makes heads turn wherever she goes. She is an excellent student and has made the varsity softball team as a freshman as their pitcher, one of the best in the league. (She's a lefty.)

BUT, that beautiful creature has started dyeing her hair an ugly brown because some of her jealous classmates started calling her "fire engine." She plasters her face, particularly those expressive brown eyes, wth make up that just makes her look bizarre. Her mother and I know it's a passing phase, something all teens go through, so we're not saying much to her about it, but I tell her that she will one day love her red hair and I hope I'm around to see it come back into view. She loves clothes, has excellent taste in choosing them (thank goodness for small blessings!) and has no tatoos and no piercings. Those have been expressly forbidden.

I remember being a teen but I never wanted to change my hair color or wear makeup that made me look like a floozie...and I never worried what others thought about me...I guess that's the difference in today's teens and those of my 1960s era.

It's gotta be hard for a teen these days, accepting one's one standards, when you have a high speed internet connection, a mobile device with flash capabilities and lady gaga around!!

If she can remain in school, unpregnant and a non drug user, then this would be a part of 'the blessed trinity," that I wouldn't be so ashamed to be a part of.

Once again, it's gotta be difficult, growing up as a teen nowadays!!

I thought being a mother to teenagers was troublesome, but now that I'm a grandmother, I have become a sounding board for the eldest ...the beautiful used to be redhead. She is playing softball...what they call Travel Ball...and has a tournament next weekend. This tournament has been less than successful, to put it mildly. She's lost interest in it by now, yet she has several more games to play before she's finished for the summer..thank goodness. She sent me a text last night, all upset...she had been invited to the prom and wanted to go to it instead of playing in the tournament next Saturday. Her mother had told her she had to stay committed to her first responsibility, meaning softball, so the prom wasn't possible this year. Wow...talk about having to choose my words carefully in telling her that I agreed with her mother.