Ever have one?

When you envy the energy and enthusiasm of the sloths and slugs? When you look at your posessions and wonder how you attained the energy and enthusiasm to earn them--and lug them home? When you look at your huge stack of unread books and wonder what made you ever think you would have the concentration to get past chapter one? When the thought of getting into your workout clothes seems like mission impossible? When you wonder how people ever worked up the passion requisite for pregnancy?

I'm having one today. I wanted to support Mike Gravel this week-end since he was instrumental in stopping the insanity of the Vietnam War. I just don't have energy to get downtown let alone engage in the battle of politics.

Gravel is a surprisingly talented speaker. But he doesn't get a dollar from the Rockefeller/Wall Street consortium OR the defence industries. Both of which are throwing hundreds of millions into this race. Perhaps sensing this may be the last race if they get their wish for WWIII.

I have those days a lot lately. (Except for the reading part, I can always read.)

I had one of those days yesterday!

I looked around me and suddently I felt totally diminished as though nothing really mattered. Who would care two weeks from now if I lived or died? Sure, there would be some grief from close family members but after two weeks, everyone would be going about their lives and disposing of my STUFF...all that stuff such as what PT was referring to. Everyone was going about their own lives like buzzing little bees and I could hardly work up the initiative to move!

As to reading, that is usually my salvation, but I've read every book in my house, didn't have the energy nor the inclination to go to the library and replenish my stock. The day was muggy and overcast and my garden was too wet for me to go down there and take out my frustrations digging in the dirt! The usual pep talks I gave myself didn't work either.

Finally, I took a long walk and felt better...still without a lot of hope for the future, but I felt more upbeat as the sun came out.

Weird for me, as I'm not that way at all. I can 'almost' always find something to do and/or to look forward to.... Not yesterday...

Two weeks of grief?

I still feel grief 1.5 years after losing my dad. I don't expect those feelings to ever diminish, I was close to my dad.

I think the board members would have more than two weeks.

Cheer up! You are indispensable.



I felt horrible Thursday but a neat group helping me do trail work cheered me up yesterday.

Nobody is indispensable, PT, especially me!

No, I think that many factors play into my having what you call a "zombie day." Most of them I cannot control, and most of them I have learned to accept, but now and then that "black cloud" descends and I have to simply wallow in it until I manage to throw it off. I've done it before and I'll do it again.

I'm usually a very happy person but grief I fully understand. I miss my parents dreadfully and I know I always will.




That's what always seems to be the therapy that works for me, too...physical activity....so the walk and then planting a bunch of rose bushes cheered me up tremendously. Sunshine helps, too...especially after several days of overcast skies.