America’s “Least Wanted”, CAPTURED!
We are making slow progress on our mission to restore a legitimate deck of cards to the game! So far, a few of the illegitimate cards that comprise the Loaded Deck have been removed, although their replacements have not been legitimate either. The only way to play fair is to replace the deck!
Get your deck here!
King of Clubs, John Poindexter. This card was originally part of the Iran-Contra game but was shoved into the current deck. Of course the “Fair and Balanced” media never let the public in on the fact that a former felon (conviction overturned on a technicality), who was convicted of little things like defrauding the government and destroying evidence, was put in charge of their most personal information! I guess this was the Bush/PNAC concept of restoring integrity to the deck!
3 of Hearts, Christie Todd Whitman, Although we are advocates of recycling we feel this card should remain in the trash forever. You better disinfect your hands after holding this deck! This card was supposed to keep it clean but instead the deck got more polluted than ever! It is hard to imagine a less effective card playing this role in the deck.
10 of Clubs, Ari Fleischer. This card had been lying about the rules of the game, the goal of the game, the strategy of the game, the players, the hidden aces, the true value of each card and just about everything about the game itself. Of course by lying we mean “misstating facts” or “technically true statements that are combined in such a way as to not quite answer the question!” This is a big loss for the deck because it was so good at not revealing any information about the cards within!
5 of Clubs, Michael Savage. Tossed out of the deck by MSNBC but is still part of other decks. This card was used primarily to paper cut and scar anyone who wanted to play a fair and honest game. Although we are safer with this card removed from our deck it is still causing great harm in other games!
Queen of Hearts, Karen Hughes. This card was responsible for translating the spoken words of the Joker into something that is comprehensible. This card left the deck early. Perhaps it was tired of baby-sitting for the Joker. That is a tall order for any card! Look out for this card during the 2004 election!
5 of Hearts, David Frum. This card came up with the infamous “Axis of Evil” phrase, that helped to fortify the image of the current deck as a maniacal religious pack of Neocons who look at anyone who is not white and extremely rich as evil! Perhaps this card can write for the Ku Klux Klan deck or other hate filled decks of cards!
2 of Spades, General Jay Garner. This card was shoved in the deck for the purpose of taking military charge of the Iraqi deck once we illegally invaded it and took possession of it. Fortunately this card was dropped after it was played for the first time. Let’s hope it does not show up anywhere else!
2 of Clubs, Dr. Ahmed Chalabi. This card is still vocal but is not being included in the deal. It was used as the wild card replacement for the Ace of Spades in the Iraqi deck. Even the current dealer realized that it would mean a losing hand, so they are dealing him out for now.
8 of Clubs, Newt Gingrich. This card from an old deck seems to show up in a few hands these days. Technically it had been dropped from the deck but we should still keep an eye on it. It has no place in this deck but it still wants to play and it makes its way into the game once in a while.
King of Diamonds, Kinpin of PNAC. This card was one of the filthiest in the deck. Investigated by the FBI for giving top secret military information to Israel in the 70s this criminal was one of the many criminals (including convicted felons) to find it’s way into the Bush White House. Another example of how the people of the US have no idea about how trustworthy they trusted president is! Perle will not be missed by any true American.
We have a long way to go folks so get ready for the 2004 elections so that we can get a new deck once and for all!