TVNL Editor's Comments: CNN is Making me Dizzy Today

There used to be a pitcher on the New York Mets named Doug Sisk. When Sisk first joined the Mets he threw an incredible sinker pitch that people simply could not hit. Batters could hardly hit his pitches past the infield. He gave up among the fewest home runs per inning pitched in the league. But there was one problem with his pitch, it moved a lot and therefore he had trouble keeping it in the strike zone. So batters learned not to swing and Sisk started to have problems loading the basses by walking batters. The Met fans started to boo Sisk relentlessly. The booing became such a problem that the manager would try not to use Sisk while the team was playing at home so that the home crowd would not be able to boo him. At one point the joke was that the hardest job in the world was being Doug Sisk and pitching at Shea. I even heard someone say something about putting Sisk's uniform on and taking the mound being a test of bravery! (Actually I was a big Doug Sisk fan and I took a lot of heat for it!)

That being said I have to say that today there is a job that is much more difficult than pitching at Shea Stadium in a Doug Sisk uniform...and that job is occupied by many people! What's the job you ask...it is being a television news reader on CNN! What's so hard about that you ask? I'll tell you. I think the most difficult task in the world for a human being is to come out on TV every single day and keep a straight face as you report the pathetically un-newsworthy issues, in depth, one after another as you try and pretend that you are a journalist partaking in journalism!

Of course CNN is not the only organization to hire such skilled employees. MSNBC has the most skilled reporters and wins the top spot simply by sheer volume when it comes to treating issues like Anna Nicole Smith as if it was vital news worthy of lengthy panel discussions. And FOX News, well let's just say they have an even more difficult job because on top of all the pretending they have to appear as if they are not biased! Ha ha ha, that's funny; and they keep straight faces! Amazing!

Today the CNN crew did a great job because they had some really tough transitions to work through. You see I watched one top of the hour headline segments and one segment on the upcoming stories for the next hour and during both of these segments the AM CNN team did a marvelous job keeping from laughing. This was not easy because the first segment contained two headlines; one being the Iraq War and the other being Brittney Spears return to the stage, and the second segment contained two issues where one was the Iraq war and the other was about paying for you wedding when you get jilted at the alter. In between these two tough transitions they held a serious discussion on a new report that shows that left handed women have shorter life spans than right handed women. There was no real news during this session but the three on air clowns chatted and speculated about this bombshell issue for w a while. So you can add improvisation to their skill set! Comedy Central has nothing on these people!

I would be shirking my responsibilities as a media analyst if I neglected to give CBS News some credit for their straight faced tradition of reporting three headlines during a commercial break every Sunday night during 60 Minutes. You see every single week during 60 minutes a newscaster comes on and reports three headlines and every single week one of the headlines is about the movie box office returns for that weekend. The box office returns for some reason are reported during every single Sunday night airing of 60 Minutes and every single Monday, to the general public, on most “news” programs. I can only imagine that the only thought in the head of the person reporting such news is “does anybody notice how stupid it is that we report this random industry statistic every week?” But then again I do not think many thoughts actually go through the heads of these people.

So I think that the men and women of the TV news industry are either performing one of the most difficult tasks on the planet or their brain function is so low that they don't even see the humor in what they are doing. Hmmm...now that I mention that...uh...I guess you can forget about all the praise I just cast on these people. So...um...never mind. Think about it! - Jesse –Editor, TvNewsLIES.org

NOTE: You can respond to my daily comments on my blog, located here: http://tvnewslies.org/blog

WAR : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#war

Hoon admits fatal errors in planning for postwar Iraq - In an exclusive interview with the Guardian, Geoff Hoon reveals that Britain disagreed with the US administration over two key decisions in May 2003, two months after the invasion - to disband Iraq's army and "de-Ba'athify" its civil service. Mr Hoon also said he and other senior ministers completely underestimated the role and influence of the vice-president, Dick Cheney.

Price tag for war in Iraq on track to top $500 billion - The combined spending requests would push the total for Iraq to $564 billion, according to the nonpartisan Congressional Research Service. What could that kind of money buy?

Who’s Counting the Dead? - In response to the US President, James Denselow, an Iraq specialist at the London-based Chatham House, claimed that “Since the administration keeps saying that failure is not an option, they are redefining success in a way that suits them.”

POLITICS : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news#politics

Interior official quits ahead of hearing - An Interior Department official accused of pressuring government scientists to make their research fit her policy goals has resigned.

Mike Gravel isn't "Funny" at All - What does it take for people to understand that Mike Gravel is telling the truth and that he is the ONLY one that is telling the truth! What does it take for the American public to learn to think for themselves and not let people on the television tell them how to think?

ECONOMY : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#economy

Circuit City's Job Cuts Backfiring, Analysts Say - Analysts said Circuit City had cast off some of its most experienced and successful people and was losing business to competitors who have better-trained employees.

Hershey To Close Calif. Candy Making Plant, Move Jobs Overseas - Hershey, the nation's largest candymaker, said it will close a California plant with 575 workers, the fourth such closure announced in less than three months as it seeks to cut operating costs and expand overseas.

9/11 News : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#911

911: Can You Handle The Truth? - Unfortunately, a religious like fervor cemented by fear and denial prevents most people from acknowledging facts and easily-exposed misrepresentations by the powerful establishment.

CONGRESS : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#congress

House committee subpoenas former Gonzales deputy - Comey served under Attorney General Alberto Gonzales when discussions between the Department of Justice and White House concerning the removal of the eight U.S. attorneys occurred.

Boehner wins civil suit against McDermott - Rep. Jim McDermott (D-Wash.) did not have the right to disclose a tape that contained an illegally recorded call between now-Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) and members of Republican leadership in 1996, according to a D.C. United States Court of Appeals ruling released Tuesday.

Bush vetoes war-funding bill with withdrawal timetable - "If the president thinks (that) by vetoing this bill he'll stop us from working to change the direction of the war in Iraq, he is mistaken," Reid added.

Pelosi calls out Bush for 1999 statement on timetable. - Yet in 1999, on June 5th, then-Governor Bush said, about President Clinton, “I think it’s important for the president to lay out a timetable as to how long they will be involved and when they would be withdrawn.”

DOMESTIC : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#domestic

UPDATE PENDING

ENVIRONMENT : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#environment

California Hotels Go Green With Low-Flow Toilets, Solar Lights - Visitors to the Gaia Napa Valley Hotel and Spa won't find the Gideon Bible in the nightstand drawer. Instead, on the bureau will be a copy of ``An Inconvenient Truth,'' former Vice President Al Gore's book about global warming.

L.A. tops list of nation's most polluted - Los Angeles can continue being the butt of smog jokes now that it has once again topped the American Lung Association's bad air list of most polluted cities in America.

INTERNATIONAL : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#international

Colombia hires Democrat-connected lobby firm to woo skeptical U.S. Congress on trade deal - President Alvaro Uribe's staff has hired a Washington lobbying firm with close ties to U.S. Democrats ahead of a visit Wednesday to Capitol Hill to defend his scandal-tainted government before a skeptical Congress.

Venezuela pulls control from Big Oil - The companies ceding control include BP Plc (Charts), ConocoPhillips (Charts, Fortune 500), Exxon Mobil (Charts, Fortune 500)., Chevron (Charts, Fortune 500), France's Total SA (Charts) and Norway's Statoil ASA (Charts). All but ConocoPhillips have agreed in principle to state control, and Venezuela has warned it may expropriate that company's assets if it doesn't follow suit.
TVNL Comment: This is why the man is goin

MILITARY & VETERANS : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#military

Iraq Generals to President: You've Failed Us - Today, two retired Generals who led troops in Iraq expressed outrage at the President's veto of the U.S. Troop Readiness, Veterans' Health, and Iraq Accountability Act.

President Bush shifts blame to the troops - BLAME it on the military, but make it look like you're supporting the troops. That's been the convenient gambit of failed emperors throughout history as they witnessed their empires decline.

EDITORIAL : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#editorial

Open Letter to the Mayor of Hell - The 19th mayor of the city of Las Vegas, Oscar B. Goodman (that would be you), is a former mob lawyer and a recent spokesperson for Bombay Sapphire Gin -- a job that reportedly paid you a salary of $100,000. In fairness to you, you did donate these earnings to charity. However, when asked by a group of fourth-graders what possession you would favor if marooned on a desert island, you replied "a bottle of gin."

JOURNALISM & MEDIA : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#media

CNN is Making me Dizzy Today - I think the most difficult task in the world for a human being is to come out on TV every single day and keep a straight face as you report the pathetically un-newsworthy issues, in depth, one after another as you try and pretend that you are a journalist partaking in journalism!

News Corp. Makes Bid for Dow Jones - Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation media empire has made an unsolicited takeover bid for Dow Jones & Co., which publishes the Wall Street Journal.

HEALTH & SCIENCE : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#health

UPDATE PENDING

HUMAN RIGHTS WATCH : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#rights

Tape 'reveals order' to shoot Vietnam protesters - "There has been a 37-year cover-up at Kent State. The commanding officers have long denied there was a verbal command to fire. They put the blame on the triggermen,"

The Perfect Weapon for the Meanest Wars - The Mozambicans learned that children were the perfect weapon: easily manipulated, intensely loyal, fearless and, most important, in endless supply.

OF INTEREST : http://www.tvnewslies.org/news/#interest

UPDATE PENDING