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Alex Baer

Airless, Chairless Musical Chairs

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There's a stand-up party game out, the traditional standby of social interaction in groups. Details have leaked: The game is from the Guild of Lazing Rich Old Buggerers (GLORB) -- the leisure service unit of Global Adherents of Special Persons' Protections (GASPP), itself a subsidiary of parent corporation HAVOCC, the House of Avaricious, Villainous, Oafish, Charlatan Capitalists.

It'll be a blast, as this is the same bunch behind Enron, the Exxon Valdez, fracking, GMOs, the BP oil volcano in the Gulf, mortgage crises, the credit crunch, bets on derivatives' bets, the hapless need for red-alert bank bailouts, inter-linked LIBOR manipulations, with even more in the pipeline, so to say, for the really lean years ahead.

Last Updated on Friday, 13 July 2012 17:49

Present, in the Land of the Surreal

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You know the expression:  If it's not one thing after another, it's the same damn thing, over and over again.  The over-and-over part:  being on deathwatch, then losing another family member.  The damn thing, in this case:  Cancer.

It's the way these things go for those who survive:  Too many events are suspended in the fog of the surreal.  The sequence of events rubberizes and freezes clocks, stretching out and shrinking time.  Gravity is too variable, but almost always heavy-handed -- trying to run, or move quickly, makes one feel submerged to the neck in bread pudding.

This deathly period boils it down, right down to bare-bones existence.  Life, living, or feeling alive might come later.  For now, I am able to merely vote "present."

Last Updated on Sunday, 08 July 2012 12:46

Zombies on Parade

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What's with all the zombies?

There was the horrific recent tale of the Miami face-chewer's assault on a homeless man, of course, the attacker high on a line of mind-whacking, over-the-counter drugs nicknamed "bath salts," the packet sporting a label proclaiming "Cloud 9," despite inducing the zombie-like behavior.

It's like a bad Saturday Night Live spoof:  Zombie Salts -- for stupes who think methamphetamine use and production isn't quite poisonous, vicious, or destructive enough for users, innocent bystanders, the country and countryside, or for the people who get to clean up in their wake -- from hazmat crews to social services and medical workers!

Last Updated on Monday, 11 June 2012 21:04

Sailing Lessons for Landlubbers

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Brace for impact, sound the collision klaxon -- prepare to be rammed by unwieldy metaphors and unpleasant facts.  The frothing pundit class will be holding forth and spouting -- thar they blow! -- issuing more sailing lessons for landlubbers, providing more tactless tutoring in tacking, more analysis for our continued paralysis.

(As warning labels go, this is the maximum alliteration and safe warning that can be provided at this time, without handing out helmets, and installing handrails, safety straps, and emergency oxygen masks.)

Last Updated on Wednesday, 06 June 2012 19:36

Failure of Memory

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So here we are:  Arrived safe and sound at another, formerly-sacred, national holiday -- one more red-letter day reduced in status by many Americans as just one more blip on the radar of Super Inventory Clearance Furniture Sales.

If we still have jobs, cars, and money for gas, we celebrate the holiday by herding ourselves onto the nation's highways in the style of massed wildebeest migrations, trying to eke out two days and two nights away from wherever it is we usually hang our hats.

Memorial Day, or Decoration Day, as it was originally known, used to be time set aside by everyone to take a moment to remember those who died in military service to the country.

Last Updated on Monday, 28 May 2012 17:39

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