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Alex Baer

Sun Storms & Drive-Ins

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It's morning on this side of the planet and solar storms are raging to high heaven, largest in five years, triggered by massive solar flares earlier this week.  Earth is to be blasted with charged particles heading in at four million miles an hour, our thin atmospheric onionskin playing catch with all these incredibly quick-moving hot potatoes.

The universe is capable of staggering speeds and inconceivably mammoth distances.  On Earth, right here, the coffee pot is all the way across the kitchen, an infinity wrapped in a finite fold of space.  Even once filled and tripped, the coffee will take two-thirds an eternity to drip and to drip, slowly evolving its primordial bouillon in there, finally creating the life-giving brew as we know it -- warm, old-style CPR breath compresses, delivered unto our lips, taken in sips.

Last Updated on Thursday, 08 March 2012 19:56

And the Winners Are...

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Meanwhile, at a radio show's live remote location: So, hi, everyone, thanks for coming out and joining us today!  Raise your hand if you paid no attention whatever to yesterday's GOP voting.  Boy, people were calling it all sorts of things -- we heard Super Tuesday, Souper Bluesday, Stooper Duesday, Stupid Foolsday, Stupor Ghoulsday, even Blooper Toolsday. OK, good, thank you.

We have some lovely runner-up, parting gifts for you, for all of you who raised your hands, if you'll please follow our staff -- yes, there they are -- back out to our vans in the mall parking lot. Give them a nice round of applause, everyone -- what great sports, thanks for coming by The Really Big Maul Shopping Arena today!

Last Updated on Wednesday, 07 March 2012 17:37

Space: The Initiating Frontier - Part 2

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We must have had superpowers back then, in July, 1969, hurling so many tons into space, making a bull's-eye landing on the moon.  It would be easy to think so.  We look around today, see how fractured we are from one another, still fracturing more each day, split this way and that.

In the 60's we had to overcome our infighting and apply ourselves to defeat a common perceived threat:  loss of leadership in the world, handing off to another country.  In the two-thousands, the enemy is us, as Pogo long ago said.  The enemy is also the shift from the all people in this land, to just some of the people.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 06 March 2012 21:03

Space: The Initiating Frontier - Part 1

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The final frontier is not about the space outside us, it is about the space within us:  The ability to believe in ourselves, to get out of our own way, to get to that sweet point in any project where we step back and say, Wow -- how did we do that, anyway?

The first frontiers are down here, on Earth, of course, trying to make sense of any of our lives, trying to find perspective to lend meaning to what can increasingly be seen as randomized, cascading bursts and bubbles of reason and insanity, with reason riding a pendulum that's swung way out of orbit, no idea when it could be back.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 06 March 2012 21:36

Super Tuesday & Our Next Thrill

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It's been one wimpering bellow and simpering cacophony after another with these guys, all this empty and voidful claptrap called the GOP candidacy, or coronation, or whatever half-baked appellation you'd care to make of this clammy, hammy, clambake.  Now, to steal a dribble from basketball, welcome to Super Tuesday -- March Madness, Republican Style!  This is a most appropriate banner to stretch over these four lame and leftover horsemen of the GOP Apocalypse, all saddled up on their pygmy ponies, ready to joust with feather pillows.

In the English language, it's a shame we aren't allowed to add exponents to some descriptors, can't add a "power" sign at the end. We could not create this in current grammar:  "Newt is a liar, cheat, and a sneak thief ^ 56," which would be saying Newt's to the power of 56 in terms of liar-cheat-sneak-thief-iness times itself -- 56 times in all.  Just as five-squared means five times five, Newt to the 56th power would mean, well, a wet cleanup on aisles 5 through 9,472, at the least.

Last Updated on Monday, 05 March 2012 16:08

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