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You are here Editorials Alex Baer ... And Now, th' Snooze

... And Now, th' Snooze

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Thinking can be dangerous -- thoughts can go anywhere.  Maybe that is why so little thinking is done any longer by the masses.

This is especially true, given the vast array of predigested information sources available to the various publics which still clot and cling together, despite our vast differences, as we start to exit our country's Terrible Twos, as the perspective of world history goes.

Our brains now scurry and scramble for their allotment of junk-food information, whether fresh or stale, direct from the squeeze-tubes of right wing think tanks, from the boiling vats of corporately-cooked fodder, from the overstuffed pork barrels of stout political earmarks.

The watchdog press has been harnessed, debarked, un-fanged, and reduced to handout journalism, repeating whatever overly-massaged, HD-digitized, pre-uploaded 3D press release kits are available for filing fresh, authentic -- and most of all, entertaining -- reporting.

Truth is what you make it, my friends, depending on what you want to hear, depending on which of the many propaganda channels most draws your self-identification, your perceived alliance, calls to your peer group, educational base, patience threshold, ignorance quotient, income cluster, and relaxation rating.

Thinking is also quite exhausting, as has so often been found. Thinking is vile -- it cuts down on time for consuming -- the highest patriotic goal we have!  Thinking cuts down on time and energy for texting, tweeting, networking, and social clumping -- huddling together in small preening groups while we scan our tiny screens.

It is likely you have no idea how far it is possible to mislead people, nor how easily they can be taken in-- even people who consider themselves bright, alert, informed, and on guard for the faintest whiff of pre-soured, uncured information.

Technology, and our control of it, have come far.  Very far.  In this universe, in this plane, in this dimension, in this time -- and in many, many others.  The powers behind thrones juggle and rig, snatch and pander, wriggle and jig, shim and ponder -- as in all other known replica universes.

The number of universes, after all, being infinite, means anything at all is truly possible -- so, while it may seem improbable, it should be quickly noted that the mathematical possibility exists, that there may yet be a universe, or even universes, in which different rules of truth and power might apply, may that thought be proven false, and perish.

We can only hope our own reality has no contact with such appalling variants, if in fact they be, for it would mean the definitive, dynastic end of millennia of global, and familial, power planning -- which would itself be a shameful waste of time, and energy, for so many generations of master puppeteers.  And time, as the highest sacrament of all, should never be wasted.

(There was a flurry of noisy approval in the previously hushed space.  The speaker brought the gathering to order with some measure of difficulty, and continued.)

Time Crafters... Rulers and representatives from far and neighboring worlds... Global and regional controllers... please be welcome at our live teleconference, to reaffirm our new Time Advisory Board Controllers for this sector of space...

(The roars of booming approval could no longer be contained -- the names were drowned out, the roof threatened to lift, the floors heaved, the rumble increased. Everyone already knew all the names, anyway -- it was a foregone conclusion, those who would be so crowned today.)


  • Overlap Edger:  Count in motion.
  • Stasis Monitor:  Cycling.
  • Power Chief:  Coming into the clear...
  • Overlap Edger:  Count has cycled.
  • Stasis Monitor:  Confirmed.
  • Power Chief:  Clock Synched.
  • Control:  Acceptable.  Engage auto,  lock logo... loop and roll out.... now.


... rolling intro; cue marker.

... the Arcania Evening News, with Oliver Hellenbach and Helena Hann-Baskit.

... open one.

Good evening, I'm Oliver Hellenbach.

President Trump is still on top, making the country pleased he's up there, say the numbers.  Once again, the President appears to be on an unstoppable roll, according to the latest popularity and funding polls.

... pivot and two.

Earlier today, at the White House, during Russian President Putin's visit, in full view of the press, Trump had Putin physically removed from the Reagan-Bush-Bush Memorial Room by Homeland Security Forces.

... roll 43.

Here, you can see President Putin struggling, then he  is eventually darted, with a relatively safe neural tranquilizer, and then is forcibly removed by shock troops.

... blend 39.

President Trump accused, and taunted, the Russian President for having a name -- quoting now -- "His name sounds like a bad fart joke, you know, and who needs any of that?"

... blend 33.

As President Trump later said, "We took him outta there like a limp fish, is what he was, after that dart -- and I should care about this dust-up with this little, uh, this little fish?  Lemme tell you somethin' -- he's a commie, with commie-nism coming out of his eyes, out of his ears, out of his everywhere!  I don't want nuthin' to do with him. I don' wanna talk to him -- I'm outta his class, you know what I'm sayin'?"

... camera four.

Just a day like any other, as you can see.  We are joined now by Helena Hann-Baskit. Helena, I understand Vice President Palin has had a very busy day of her own.

... camera six.

Indeed she has, Oliver -- one filled with adoring crowds, visiting dignitaries, and pleas made to Congress, as well as to her many children, and extended family, and her various cult societies.

... roll 61.

Vice President Palin started her day with a Bingo Prayer Breakfast with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in Yellowstone Park, where she's been lobbying Congress to release the park to her extended family groups, as she calls them, and build a sixty-billion-dollar facility there as the Palin Retreat and Family Therapy Communal Life Center.

... roll 74.

During the breakfast, where Palin won a life-sized stuffed unicorn at Bingo, she told Trudeau she enjoyed his cartoon strip "a really lot," and hoped he would "cut some more records, like, incredibly soon," because "Bristol and Willow are driving me crazy for you to go rocket out more, but more dancier, like before, OK?"

... camera five.

The Vice Present also took a moment from her schedule to speak with a hand-picked group of representatives from war-torn countries and nations currently suffering natural disasters...

... roll 19.

... urging members of these countries to "hang in there," and to "not worry about things, but look on the bright side, at what's goin' right in your lives!"  She also helped ladle out free samples...

... roll 83.

... of her new "Palin Family Recipe, Ho-Made Sexpot Stew -- the Only Stew," according to the label....

... close in, crop, and hold on 83.

... that "Keeps All Your Ends Happy!"

... camera three.

Vice Present Palin was then flown to her penthouse suite in Las Vegas, promising to address Congressional inquiries regarding her mounting clothing allowance expenditures, now surpassing the CBO's confirmed 71-point-four million dollar mark, as of yesterday, Oliver.

... two-shot one.

Given her number of public appearances, high approval ratings, and increasing fan base, perhaps her defense that "America should be a beauty queen, not a dumpy ol' doo-dad" defense will pay dividends here, Helena.

Well, Oliver, at this point, nothing surprises any longer -- by the way, did President Trump really point at his, you know, at the seat of his pants when he said President Putin had "'commie-nism' comin' out of his everywhere"?  The opening shot wasn't very clear...

... share 44 and roll.

In a word, Helena -- yes -- as this additional angle shows from our 3D camchip team eight shows.... President Trump makes repeated hand gestures here of some kind, toward the seat of his trousers, and then away again, the motions of which only increased as he was interrupted from the floor and asked, among many present booing the unscheduled question, why he had refused to welcome Chinese President Hu Jintao earlier this morning, who was merely responding to Trump's own personal invitation...

... expand two-shot.

Oliver, any new developments regarding what some would also call clear insults that President Trump has leveled in the press, and by personal communication, against various leaders, including North Korea's Kim Jong-un, the UK's David Cameron, and Taiwan's Ma Ying-jeou?

Nothing yet, Helena, although we have heard that Australia's Tony Abbott...

... ready end two-shot, roll 23.


Meanwhile, in an alternate universe and reality

The Loyal Council of Reason and Reasonableness noted it is increasingly difficult to lampoon for satirical and educational effect a system and culture already thoroughly harpooned by its own laughably moronic reality.

However valid it is, that individuals and societies learn most, and learn best, when the mind's window is first opened by humor, and self-understanding, there is simply no possibility of growth and self-knowledge when so busily occupied presenting outrages before the outrageous.

Here, it should be noted, the head of the Opposition Council of Treason and Treasonable Acts interrupted, stating there was still plenty of room for navigation of learned, and of teaching, humor -- in spite of the saturated extent of self-impalement, and self-impairment, by the culture in question.

The head of the Loyal Council of Reason and Reasonableness returned with a witticism, intended to both humorously sting the opponent as well as move forward a point of order and  agreement, noting the following:

A self-satirizing culture may yet benefit from our assistance in the future.  However, at present, they are like Earth's antique One-Hour-Martinizing chain, and those old-fashioned optical suppliers, photograph copiers, and hovercube makers -- ready in about an hour, only faster, and dirtier, cheaper, and shabbier in the process.  You can lead a culture to the cool water of self-awareness, but you cannot make hotheads think.

This comment was mulled in chamber, in a deep, pressing quiet.  The vote was cast silently.  It was unanimous.  The Councils would return and vote again after its traditional millennial pause.


In another slice of the endless, infinite universe, on yet another world

A complex technical device, occupying the space of multiple standard business wings, was being demonstrated.  A staff of orange-smocked specialists operated and checked the device, reporting to a bank of white-coated control station staff, in position, and raised from the operational floor.  A small audience of observers was protectively corralled off to one side, behind a transparent screen, while an aide briefed the group prior to the demonstration.

"As we noted in your initial welcome briefing, we have now achieved an incredible advantage, and are able to demonstrate the success of our many long-term missions to both distract and damp-down natural curiosities in the human population before they bloom, rendering inert all levels of reason, expectation, logic, and the attendant, subliminal struggle for self-interest."

The aide continued.  "In mere moments, we will make the final adjustments, and implement the plan -- to the great glory of the nation, and the world!"

"Toward a more pliable future!" the observers cried, saluting, backs arched.

"Toward a more pliable population!" the aide crisply saluted in return.


... and now, the news.




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