In all, 2,286 delegates and 2,125 alternate delegates have gathered in one spot -- since quarantined by the Combined National Emergency Weather and Mental Health Centers, and dubbed a dangerous depression -- one not curable by anti-psychotic medications.
Chief meteorologist Wendy Enhowlen says, "It might be tropical right here, but this great depression is more topical, especially with the economic stresses most regular people face today."
She added, "Global climate change provokes more problems than just multiplying the numbers of hurricanes. For one thing, the palmetto bugs here are the size of reindeer."
That doesn't worry Chamberpot of Commerce spokesbot Eileen Dover. "Seeing as how there's virtually no difference between palmettos and cockroaches, all our very special gentlemen callers and their money should feel right at home here in Florida."
Dover said, "Why, we've got a governor who looks like an over-caffeinated Skeletor here, one who came a toad hair short of being snatched for jiggering the largest Medicare fraud in history, with his company setting a marvelous record of fines, penalties, and damages totaling 1-point-7 billion dollars -- and even then, he went on to be elected by voters here in the 'retirement state,' of all places."
On Thursday afternoon, after less than 10 hours of deliberating, 12 ordinary jurors hailing from New...
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In its 38 years of existence, the USA TODAY Editorial Board has never endorsed a candidate for president....
