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Bob Alexander: Nowhere Near the Road to Damascus

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Road to DamascusI Have Seen the Light! Glory Gee to Beezus I Have Seen the Light! And since being filled with this Grand and Glorious Light I feel compelled to share The Good News of my Epiphany to everyone I know.

Pretty scary opening eh? I remember hearing similar words coming out of the mouth of a friend of mine after he had accepted Jesus Christ as his own personal redeemer and new invisible best friend. It was abso-freakin’-lutely terrifying. One day he was just a regular guy kickin’ around Hollywood trying to pick up a job here and there when WHAMMO!

The next time I ran into him his eyes were all glittery with  new-found madness. He had a goofy vacuous grin plastered on his face and he was clutching a cheap copy of the New Testament. Something terrible had obviously happened to my ol’ pal Danny. And whatever that terrible thing was … the escape route he took landed him smack dab into the arms of The Lord.

Or …

Someone slipped a seed pod from the Planet Jeebus under Danny’s bed. And during the night, as Danny’s body was slowly drained of its life force until he was reduced to a crumbling gray husk, the seed pod burst open and a Danny-thing took final form as  a new recruit in the alien army of Jeebus.

Or …

Maybe that last shot of Wild Turkey snapped, crackled, and popped a crucial synapse and now Danny was brain dead deep in Neuron Town.

Regardless … my ol’ pal Danny went away and never came back.


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