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Sunday, Sep 25th

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Alex Baer: Working to Live It Up (and Down)

Alex Baer" working to Live it UpThere are still some things in life worse than working for a living.  That's not immediately clear, when the alarm clock has triggered its doomsday, crash-dive klaxon, just when, in your dream, you were headed toward a bulkhead in your pina-colada-submarine... while doing underwater calisthenics with bulked-up dolphins in swim caps.

Another of the things worse than working?  Staying up too late, watching Olympic athletes, and getting too little sleep, finding in the morning that someone has swapped out your brain with moldy linguini and damp sawdust.  This was probably when you dreamed about synchronized snowball fights, and got up in the night, groggy, and turned the A/C blizzard down from arctic eternity to moderately crunchy eyebrows.

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Alex Baer: Life After Trump, Before the Next Terrible Thing

Life after TrumpIt's starting to look as if we may all squeak by and survive Orange Guy's Level One Coronation by the GOP, in spite of the early numbers, in spite of ongoing verbal revelations from Crazy Core Central, in spite of the hypnotic pinwheel glare in an alarming number of matching glares and unblinking stares.

We'll see if we also manage to dodge the candidate's bullet when it comes to assassination innuendos to supporters.  We'll see if we can duck the traitorous recoil of cheerleading Russians to hack his competition.  We'll see if we can manage to remain in favor with the gods after favoring the exclusion of certain worshippers, races, genders...

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Alex Baer: The Tricky Bits in the Triaging

T riage controlWelcome to the weekend, fellow shell-shock victims:

Thank you for choosing Doctor Dogooder's Philanthropic Trauma Hospital and No-Host, Hospitality Fern Bar.

We'll be triaging everyone according to depth of political dismay and by visible, physical symptoms -- such as foaming at the mouth, inability to control reflexes, sudden bursts of cursing, throbbing temple veins, fur-coated tongue, repeated yelling-while-pointing, and so on.

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Alex Baer: Top Ten Things to Believe (or Not)

To do list: Donald TrumpEach new day starts off with me being wrong.  It's been this way for months and months -- every single day.  It's morning again, and I couldn't have been more wrong. Again.

A new day has arrived, and BAM!  Donald proves me wrong, once more, that he CAN, in fact, top what he said in all those OTHER previous days I had, way back when, of daily disbelief... days in which, every day, I somehow thought it impossible for him to top himself, and keep topping himself.  But he did, every day, just as he does now -- just as he's been doing for almost a year.

The off-the-wall comments began in relatively small and unimportant ways -- strange, but not too strange.  Still-connected-to-the-planet strange.

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Alex Baer: When Weird Just Isn't Enough

when weird just isn't enoughWe're not even into the tail-end, dog days of August and most of the country is already howling at the moon, scratching like mad at imaginary fleas, twitching and itchy all over, bothered and bewitched.

Oh, and, since exporting Industrial-Strength Gonzo-Crazy seems to be our new role in the global economy, let's add the rest of the world to the ranks of the queasy and squeamish.

I'm looking at some bookmarks and clippings heaped here and there, trying very hard to divine any signs of sanity.  Perhaps sanity no longer makes news, which is why it is not being reported.

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Alex Baer: Bullets & Ballots ... and Bathrooms

TrumpsIt's another day on the road with the Totally Amazing -- I Mean, Like Wow! -- Candidate with the Snap-On Head... and the Drop-Down Pants.

But then, it's been a Totally Amazing -- I Mean, Like Wow! -- season for the Grandiose Orange People party, for the Genetically-modified Orangutans Party, for the GOP.

Having had a hearty breakfast of Lucky Charms, His Daily Bread ala Tempest-in-a-Teapot Toast, Juice of Personally-Crushed Oranges, and Oval-Office-tine, The Candidate's head was taken from its storage perch, wiped down, and fully reattached to Body #29.

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Alex Baer: Slap-Splat! What a Relief It Is!

mosquitoRelief comes in many forms.  In one song, it was splish-splash, and taking a bath.  In one heartburn-aid classic commercial, the relief came right after the plop-plop, fizz-fizz.

When it comes to mosquitoes, we mostly still rely on swatting ourselves silly, and then checking around for any lucky-hit carcasses.  Those middle-of-the night, self-pummeling, slap-and-swat fests may be drawing to a merciful close.

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